Kanye West & Donald Trump Will Receive 1 MILLION Dicks For April Fools March 25, 2016 08:00
UPDATE 03/31/16: Tomorrow is April Fools and the last day of our BOGO promo. Trump is currently leading with 3,683 Bags Of Dicks to Kanye's 3,012 Bags Of Dicks.
BUY ONE GIVE ONE: Order a Bag Of Dicks for your friend or enemy, enter promo code KANYE or TRUMP during checkout, and we'll send that superstar a Bag Of Dicks for free!!
SUMMARY: For April Fools our customers have paid to send 6,000 (and counting!) Bags Of Dicks to Kanye West and Donald Trump. Over 15,000 people voted that both Yeezus and The Donald should eat the most Bags Of Dicks this year. We're prepped to send 10,000 Bags Of Dicks. Only one question remains: Who will receive more dicks?!
Last year humanity joined together for cause so noble that the Gods themselves trembled with anticipation.
On April 1, 2015 -- a date that will forever live in infamy -- over 5,000 Bags Of Dicks were sent to Justin Bieber and Kanye West as a result of our month long "Buy One Give One" promotion we held leading up to April Fools.
How did it work exactly? Buy a Bag Of Dicks for your friend or enemy, enter promo code KANYE or BIEBER during checkout, and we'd send another Bag Of Dicks to that superstar for free.
It was our FIRST EVER competition to answer the pivotal question: Who most deserves to eat a Bags Of Dicks?
But why Yeezy and The Biebs? Because 3,000 of our customers voted in our dumb survey asking who most deserves to eat a Bag Of Dicks, and to our
expectation delight surprise those two lyrical geniuses tied for 1st (to the dismay of Yeezus faithful and Beliebers everywhere).
Our competition between these two music titans went viral in the blogosphere, and when the dust settled over 5,000 Bags Of Dicks were sent to Bieber and Kanye by our customers. 100 candy dicks in each bag = 500,000 dicks. Let that sink in...HALF A MILLION F*CKING DICKS. 300 calories in each bag = 1,500,000 calories of dick!!
At the time Shipabagofdicks.com was only a few weeks old, so we were fulfilling orders out of a studio apartment. Want to know what 1 Million dicks in a studio apartment looks like??
We were sweating our balls off fulfilling all the orders. Here's our team dropping dicks off at the Post Office:
As the One Year Anniversary of both Shipabagofdicks.com and such a momentous event approaches, we decided to bring back our "Buy One Give One" promotion. But who would covet this year's glorious title? Who is most deserving to eat a Bag Of Dicks in 2016??
To answer this question, again we called upon the good people of the Internet to vote (or die). In our March Madness-like bracket which we emailed to our customers and posted online, we started with a "Sweet 16" and there were a number of honorable mentions... Josh Duggar. Bill Cosby. Tom Brady. Jared Fogle. Nicki Minaj. Kim Davis. Drake's dance moves. Every Kardashian/Jenner.
But lo and behold, after over 15,000 votes were cast, Kanye West and Donald Trump emerged victorious and will be facing each other for the coveted title!!
In the Final Four, Justin Bieber was bested by Trump (does that mean Bieber's
PR Team comeback is actually working?) and Nickelback, the bracket cinderella story, fell to Kanye.
Is Kanye vs Trump a precursor to the 2020 Presidential Election?! Looking back on the year thus far, it's not hard to see why these two polarizing giants topped our list.
"I have a big penis." "I don't have small hands." "It's huuuuuuuuuge." -TRUMP
after realizing he is the greatest living artist and greatest artist of all time.— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) February 14, 2016
Mark Zuckerberg invest 1 billion dollars into Kanye West ideas— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) February 14, 2016
Now that Shipabagofdicks.com is a year older and wiser, we aim not only to beat last year's dick count but DOUBLE it. We've moved into what looks like an abandoned airplane hanger (yes, we upgraded from the studio apartment) and prepped our order fulfillment team to send 1 MILLION dicks to Yeezus and The Donald.