Top 18 People Who Should Eat A Bag Of Dicks March 18, 2015 09:01

Below is our list of the Top 18 people in your life who need to eat a bag of *gummy* dicks right now, voted on by our wonderful email subscribers who had nothing better to do than participate in our dumb survey.

18. The team that ruined your entire March Madness bracket on Day 1.

17. Your friend who eats like crap but still looks like this:

 16. Spoiled 'real housewives' with empty souls.

15. Social media creepers who 'Like' photos you posted over a year ago.

14. The dick who invented Black Friday. Behold, mankind at our finest.

13. Dicks who are dicks for no reason whatsoever.

<cat attack gif>

12. Dicks who litter or don't recycle.

11. Your OCD roommate. You couldn't care less how to "properly" fold the hand towels.

10. Your slob of a roommate. Their dirty dishes have been "soaking" for 2 weeks and counting.

9. Fans who take sports wayyyyy too seriously.

 8. Foodies. Put down the camera and eat your goddamn meal already.

7. Every other driver on the road. They're all terrible.

6. Yourself, for having too many drinks last night. Just one more shot, they said. You'll be fine, they said.

5. Crossfitters.

4. The CEO of Target. We enter your store to buy toothpaste and leave spending $100. Everytime.

3. Hipsters. No surprise here.

2. People who take themselves too seriously. Take a page from TSwift or JLaw -- they give zero f*cks.

1. Your BFF. Because s/he has a badass sense of humor, and gummy dicks are actually quite delicious.